And we all need places to, ya know, do our business. To paraphrase David Sedaris, even when we are old and retired, we still have business. And to clarify, I am not talking about "giving someone the business," which is a 15 yard penalty in the NFL (example video below).
In some places, it's really nice to do your business. For example, at my home synagogue, there are contoured seats. Comfy place to be if you're skipping out on a sermon (which you should never do...;)).
Doing business in Turkey is, well, an adventure. In fact, doing business in Turkey is, indeed, an epic adventure.
Let's start with the lighting.
For some reason, many places in Turkey have motion sensor lighting in the bathrooms. No switch. You just walk in, and the light comes on. In theory, cool idea. However, the timers on these lights are often set incredibly short. We're talking about 10-15 seconds in a lot of places, and if you're lucky, maybe 30 seconds. Which makes the situation really odd when you're engaging in some very important business to have to wiggle your arms around.
Next, the toilet paper.
Sometimes it was square shaped, sometimes it was rectangular, sometimes you got it from the bathroom attendant, and sometimes, you just weren't provided any. We learned quickly that we often needed to pack for this situation in advance, just in case. Oh, and you also have to be aware if the system can take toilet paper or not. Sometimes, there's a trash can next to the toilet. Delicious.
On to washing the hands!
Sometimes the water was over the sink, sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes it was so misaligned, I actually had to think about what the person installing the water and the sink must have been on when they came up with the idea of where to put it. I came up with some interesting theories, but seriously...who puts a misaligned sink under a faucet?!
When it came to paper towels, sometimes there were, but often there were no towels. We got really good at the waving-your-hands-to-dry-them dance. Nevertheless, we could almost always guarantee that their would be soap. But not just any kind of soap. Foamy soap(y). It was so interesting how if they had soap, it was foamy soap(y).
Okay, I left out the big elephant in the room: the toilets themselves.
As you may know, there are two kinds of toilets: ones where you sit, and ones where you squat. Squatting toilets are EVERYWHERE. And sometimes, they're your only option. Try as we might to avoid them when possible, sometimes, they were our only option. And, inevitably, each of us had a schechianu (prayer you say after you've done something for the first time) moment with a squat-style toilet. Also, when it came to flushing said toilets (and the urinals too), you often controlled the water. Instead of a flusher, there was a pipe with a valve. You open, you close, it flushes.
Okay, I understand that this post contained a lot of information about doing business. It may have even grossed you out a bit. But the truth is that this was part of our epic adventure. Even going to the bathroom was an epic adventure.
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